My dear friends,
​
I write today to ask for your help in fighting the epidemic of Workout-Induced Forgetfulness that has overtaken our beloved gym, leaving it littered with water bottles, tape, and other such heartbreaking tokens of minds that have wandered.
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W.I.F. strikes without warning and can affect even the most conscientious gym citizen. Therefore we must maintain constant vigilance! The symptoms of W.I.F. include:

• Leaving behind a treasured water bottle, gymnastics grip, wrist wrap, or other such personal belonging.
• Losing the memory of taking out equipment for a workout (which clearly the victim intended to replace in its original location,) possibly in an attempt to forget the entire workout and associated trauma.
• Mistaking the floor for an appropriate trash receptacle for tape, paper towels, gum, and other such relatively disgusting things.
• Neglecting to collect bodily fluids (sweat, blood, etc.) from equipment after a workout.

​Should you observe any of these symptoms in your gym brethren, please act quickly to remind them of what they doubtless meant to do, and gently guide them back towards the righteous path. Untreated W.I.F. can lead to serious complications including guilty conscience, anxiety, shame, and embarrassment!

The task at hand is great, the struggle immense, but I believe that together we can triumph.

Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose!

Sam